Mrs Lovett's School for the Cooking Impaired
by lightmylumiere
Summary: Mrs. Lovett is suggested to *attempt* to run a cooking class for everyone to learn how to cook just like her. Todd/Lovett, not sure of the proper term. but it will unfold. R&R or get a shave.
1. Chapter 1

*This came to me while making cookies so I hope it turns out…

It probably won't…

Reviews are like… I really don't know. But please review!*

Prologue

It came to her as though a dream. She was famous. Her pies were enjoyed by everyone who entered the pie shop. Who knew cannibalism was the key solution to her problems? And the murderer upstairs was filthy hot, murderous wretch or not. Maybe it was good that way.

She woke up with her head on the counter and a pile of meat on the counter. There truly were costumers everywhere, perhaps it wasn't a fantasy to think it. After all, everyone loved it. In trade didn't they love her?

A customer approached her, holding a pie in her hand. Mrs. Lovett thought it was her shepherd's pie, but it truly was hard to tell with everything she baked that day. "Mrs. Lovett, this is your best pie yet! You have to give me the recipe."

"I'm afraid I can't, but I will take your name and remember the compliment." Mrs. Lovett wasn't into knowing her customers on a deep and personal level, but if she was she would have had more friends than anyone in London.

"Bridgette Moore." She said calmly, biting back into the pie. Cannibals, the whole lot of them. But it was scrumptious and addicting, she guessed, which is why they always came back. Nothing satisfies your appetite like hard working British people. "If you can't give me the recipe—"

"Which I can't."

"Perhaps you should offer cooking classes. I know me and my friends would love to see how to cook like a Lovett would in her pie shop."

"Flattery will get you nowhere, Miss Moore, but I will consider it."

"It would be a fine business investment." It was then that Mrs. Lovett truly did think about it. After all, how bad could a few cooking classes be? She'd just have to talk over it with the man upstairs…


	2. Chapter 2

The Man Upstairs

She curled up in her bed as she did every night. It was that same old dream. Only this time, was it coming true? She and the man upstairs, together at last. Was it her vivid imagination or drunken fantasy? Drunken, but not fantasy. She didn't care. She had long since waited for the day that he would want her as much as she wanted him.

He was Sweeney Todd, and she was his landlady.

When they both woke up, she was just sitting there, thinking. He was already up and getting dressed. Was it odd that she was so much more personable around the bad man than anyone else? She loved him, was that a crime? No, it couldn't be. It was her burden to bear.

"Mr. T," She said, sliding off the bed then into her dress. "Can I get your opinion on something?"

"No."

"Please? It's nothing bad, just a question."

"Make it quick." He wasn't a man of many words. Nor many actions, she learned. But he was being himself, at least.

"I've been asked to open a cooking class. For the women on Fleet Street."

"Yeah, and I've been offered a position in the church." He sneered.

"Serious."

"Oh come on, Mrs. Lovett, you don't know the first thing about teaching! Or baking for that matter. What would you call in anyways? Mrs. Lovett's School for the Cooking Impaired?"

"Perhaps I will. Besides, it's good for both of us."

"How is it good for me?"

"I send my compliments to the barber upstairs, the women bring their husbands, they get poisoned on old cat pies. Voila, more pies and business."

"Carry on Lovett." He smiled and darted out the door. That was how he always was with her. Slow to start but quick to leave.

And that was how it always would be.


	3. Chapter 3

Fishing for a Class

"Ladies and Gentlemen… though mostly ladiiiiiieeeeeeessssssss!" Toby started singing, bringing everyone toward the shop, after that, though, he didn't sing a note. "You are hereby invited to Mrs. Lovett's school for the Cooking Impaired." People started to talk. "If you're fishing for a cooking class to _die _for, Mrs. Lovett offers it cheap! She gives compliments to the barber upstairs, she told me to tell you that he might just be the best barber on earth!"

The shop filled, as it always did in the morning. But on top of the typical crowd were 4 young women. "We're here for your Cooking Impaired class." They spouted. "When do we start?"

"Sometime soon, but not quite yet. You know, I have to set up my curriculum." She lied. "And make more pies for these hungry customers. Come back tomorrow or so."

*Gotta run to school! Read, review and check out my other story Dobby Pies!

More later.*


	4. Chapter 4

*Sorry for such a late update! School, Marching Band and Play hecticness… need I say much more? Oh yeah, I didn't make it in, so other than homework and band and Girl Scouts my free time is devoted to you, my dear rare readers.

Review or die. Not really, I'm not the "shove it down your throat type". Miserable play joke. Just read, will you?*

Please, Mr. T, Please!

_And what when he found out? He would, you know it. It's been a month since you were starting that bloody class. What's been stopping you? Fear, fear of what he would say. But now it's not the fear of what he will say but more his actions, isn't it? For you, for the child. This isn't right, _she reminded herself. _It would have been before but not now. Not with all that's going on._

_Where was he anyways? _"Toby, darling, run and tell me where Mr. Todd is, will you?" She asked, tracing her fingers along the rolling pin. Her scrap bowl was filling quite quickly, and she tossed what she wasn't using into the fire. The reeking stench of human flesh did not make the pain in her stomach go away, of course, but it wasn't until then that she truly thought it through. _This is real, no denying it now._

"Yes, mum." He said, and with a flash he was gone.

Mr. Todd came back in shortly, wearing a nice black ensemble, one she had never seen. And trust me, she would have known. She had been tailoring and making his clothes since he came back. But where had he been? That was the question of the hour. "Evening, Mrs. Lovett."

"Mr. T." She added curtly, curtsying as he walked past her. _Stupid corset, _she muttered to herself, _if you weren't so bloody tight I could breathe._ "Where have you been on such a fine business evening?"

"Church."

"Lovely." She hissed not actually listening. Then it came to her. "Wait—church?"

"Indeed. I got a job there."

"Serious?"

"Would I lie to you, my pet?"

_It hasn't stopped you before. _"I suppose not… but why did they want you? What for? And who said you?"

"Enough questions. I'm running a funeral for the mysterious death of… well, I don't know his name, but why does it matter if he's dead? Me and the judge are so-called pals, though I will not rest till his death, and he said I should do it. And I don't know why, or what reasons, but they all agreed. There are more dimensions to a killer than people give me credit for."

"Good, that's a relief."

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Nothing." And with that she left, and didn't come back till he left.

*I cannot stress it enough. REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! I will shout it from the rooftops if it gets me one!*


	5. Chapter 5

Truth in Notes

_Mr. Todd,_

_I cannot say this to your face. I am truly scared of your reaction. Which I know I shouldn't be, but you have your priorities and I have mine, so I should make this quick. But fear gets in my way! Why isn't this as easy as I thought it would be, writing it down and leaving! I can't leave you, I'm your alibi. I need you as badly as you need me. Actually, I need you more, as soon as I was no use to you you would cast me to the side like unwanted trash. And perhaps that is why this is so hard for me. I don't want to leave, but being with you gives me no choice._

_You will never love me like you loved Lucy. And though she's dead, you have not let that go. You still search for Johanna, as if you could never love another child. And as I write this the pain in my heart swells to an unknown size. For though I will have your child, I am actually, you will never love it like your beautiful blonde daughter._

_I will be gone by the morning. Tell Toby I love him, and I wouldn't have abandoned both of you if I didn't. It's what's best for our child, and I'm not going to crush that. It's only fair to me that I get part of my happy ending._

_-Nellie Lovett, with love_

He read the words, his eyes filled with hate. Why was this on his bed? This wasn't right, not possible! And to leave him with the boy? That was more unjust! He wouldn't change his ways, never. And that's why Mrs. Lovett left, the only one to trust him. He couldn't change, he refused.

But did he have something to live for?


	6. Chapter 6

Love is But Love

She sat on the doorstep, but couldn't leave. It wasn't right, to ditch them both. They'd kill one another. She knew that, and wasn't stupid enough to test that.

He found her on the porch, the note smoldering in his grip. Had he attempted to burn it? Perhaps, but that wasn't like him. He acted like he cared. "Is it true?" He whispered, looking at the sunrise through his chocolate glare.

"Would I tell you a lie like that?"

_I wouldn't put it past you_. "No, no, of course not Nellie."

"That's the first time you've called me that in a while, Mr. T." She blushed, or perhaps it was just the sun on her cheeks. "You aren't mad at me?"

"I was, when you said you were leaving. That's not a solution, my pet, never the answer!"

Like a scolded child, she hung her head. It was not something she figured would come out of his mouth. "So you're not _ashamed _of me?"

_Ask me some other time, there is no right answer now. _"It's about time… that we open the shop. You have classes today anyways."

"And you need to head to—the _church._" They were new words to roll off her tongue. She liked hearing them though, it made this seem a _little _normal. Could it ever be? No, she was the demon baker and he was the demon barber.

…

"Alright, class, today we are going to be covering the key to fixing your pie. What you do is roll your crust like soooooo…." She rolled her rolling pin across the lumpy dough slowly, as if it was pleasure -full for her. Her students, the whole three of them, watched in admiration. "And fold it into the pan…" They tried to follow along with her brisk motions. They had been cooking all morning. "And fill it with my special filling. It wasn't her typical shepherd's pie filling at all. It was honestly cat, but would they know the difference? Nope, never. "And pop it into the oven and wait for it to finish… done." She pulled out a beautiful pie and several ugly misshapen pies on a tray. They each bit in but turned away with repulsive looks on their faces.

"This doesn't taste like _your _Shepherd's Pie, Mrs. Lovett!" One exclaimed.

"That's why I'm the professional baker, and you're my students, understand? Have you all paid?" They all nodded. "Then class dismissed, see you next week!"

And the sign flipped back to open and Sweeney Todd whipped back up the staircase. Yes he was watching. And neither seemed to notice, but this was the start of something for sure.

*Nooooo! This will not be a fluffy fluff, I refuse to cave in! nope, I think I might have. Oh well, I'll move on. Review! While I listen to Worst Pies in London and perfect a mince pie recipe, think of a little cutesy scene to add in or a suggestion!*


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